An Apology

I’m sorry to all that I missed out on memories with. On moments. Intimacies. Fun. Excitement. For those invites I turned down. Those people I turned away. The love I rejected. The clothes I felt I couldn’t wear. The opportunities I let lay to waste.⁣
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I’m sorry that I did that because I saw my body as a means to my worth. ⁣
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I’m sorry that my scars, my softness, my skin, made me think I was less. ⁣
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I’m sorry I didn’t see myself for all the things that mattered. ⁣
And let hate rent the most space in my mind instead. ⁣
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I want you to know that I’ve gotten better. ⁣
And choose to exist for things so much more valuable. ⁣
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This gift of life, given once and once only, I fear I had taken for granted. ⁣
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I fear as though I spent so much time worrying about how to live, questioning if I was good enough, that I missed out on so much of it. ⁣
Seeing myself for all that I was not instead of gratefulness for all that I am. ⁣
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I hope you know how different it is for me now. ⁣
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I hope you see how I live.